You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
