He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she told me i tasted like america
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
