i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
