She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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