We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
