he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
