My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
