I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
