What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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