I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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