She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
