If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
