You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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