Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
