dude i'm inner monologue high
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
