It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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