I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
