I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
