Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
