I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
