There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
