..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
