We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
