well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
