And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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