if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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