I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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