Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Thank you for not boning my boss.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
All I want is dick and wine.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
