It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
