worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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