What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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