Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Randomize
