i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
now i know why i became what i already was.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
