You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
