Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The air taste purple.
Randomize
