I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I am naked and annoyed.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
