My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize