I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
