just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
