pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
