PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
