Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
