The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Found your dick twin last night
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
