who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
