my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
