he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
