dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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