Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
