just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i dont even know how to be here
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
