The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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