We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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