oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The air taste purple.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
