That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
