why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
