fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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