Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
