I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
3 2 1 whiskey
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Shame - the story of my life.
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