he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
