i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize