so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
