So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we're making bets on your personal life
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
