I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
