Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
