I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
