Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
