I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
