theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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