So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
