Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
