i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
