I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
