Dual....:-)
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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