Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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