In the future we'll all be gay
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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