Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She told me I should be a condom model.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize