i need an iv and a liver transplant
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
barbara walters just said penis...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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