those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
