I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i will never coherently bang her
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
