Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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